Where's My Cape?

What I did on my blizzard staycation, Part 3

Hope you didn't want any bananas.

Or milk.

*Miniature photos taken with a Blackberry Curve (a.k.a. My mini-Nikon)

**No, you didn't miss Part 2 of the series. Part 2 is too heinous to put into words right now, but tentatively titled "Bleak House." It was seriously. not. cool.

What I did on my blizzard staycation, Part 1

Saturday highlights:

• Looked outside window. Understood gravity of situation. Cried a little for the muscle fibers that would give up their lives today.
• Got kiddies up and dressed. Convinced them we should all do some Wii Yoga.
• Turned on Wii and got berated by robot voice for not coming back in 6 days. Expected beating.
• Got through 2 yoga poses before Boy declared "I Eat." End of that story. Wii Fit highly disappointed in me (nothing new).
• Got crew snowsuited to do some Blizzard Play (aka Mama shovels until muscle fibers die time). Boy lasted approximately 30 seconds before whining noises started and wanting his hand held and/or carried. Summon help of nanny  to watch kids inside even though she is not actually working today but clearly, THIS IS A SNOW EMERGENCY. If no path to outside world, NO ONE SURVIVES.
• Finish shoveling paths (trenches) down front walk and one behind house to garage - snow is waist high on either side. Trench is exactly width of one shovel mouth. Back/shoulders give agonal breaths.
• Nanny flees in 2ft snow to "help friends."
• SuperWhy, Dora, Wiggles.
• Take 800 mg motrin left over from post-partum period 2 years ago.
• Bake chocolate chip cookies. From scratch! Not from refrigerated cookie dough tube!  Have not made these in a long time. Boy and Girl stir and dump measuring cups into bowl. Have little hope for cookies given their performance. Very low expectations. You know those mutant ones I speak of.
• Introduce children to their FIRST EVER CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH tasting. Shhhh. Children enjoy introduction immensely.
• Cookies look/taste like cookies! For real! Very pleased. We all have one warm gooey one each.
• Fort constructed out of bedsheet, kitchen barstools, 2 kid chairs.
• 2 of us have naps (Girl did not end up sleeping, sadly. But I did- SCORE!)
• Cookies and milk afternoon snack. Shhhh.
• Got kids set up painting while I went to RE-CLEAR the freaking trenches. Want to stay ahead of the snow. Come back in and find paint not confined to paper and adorning multiple body parts and door frames.
• Cut Boy's hair with electric clippers for 2nd time. Looks decidedly better than first time. CUTE! Getting a hang of it.
• Double bath.
• Back to WiiFit to finish what I started with kids doing poses next to me. Boy doing Warrior pose OMGcute. Girl loves downward dog.
• Do a WiiFit game involving balance and coordination. I score low: "Unbalanced." Harsh, much?
• Make dumplings for dinner. Did the unthinkable in Husband's absence. Had ROOM TEMPERATURE Sauvignon blanc. Shhhh. Did not have the time/patience to allow proper chilling. Clearly, this was a blizzard staycation emergency.
• Deal with girl who refuses to sleep since she's afraid the lights will go out and they are flickering. Ask why she's opening her eyes when she's supposed to sleep. Girl tries every trick in book to not sleep - heavy drama. Finally get her to try.
• Prediction for tomorrow: Motrin, Wine, exhaustion.

Name that lump

And it is still snowing. *sob*
 

Feeling stoopid

I don't know, but lately, I've had multiple occasions to feel slow.

For one, I just learned that Pluto is no longer a planet. I learned this since Girl was reciting the EIGHT planets in her Dr. Seuss planets book and The Husband goes, "Do you remember when Pluto was a planet?" Um, dude. When did that happen?

I was immediately transported to 5th grade where I made a science project with paper mache planets and THERE WERE 9.

The Husband informed me that Pluto was no longer considered a planet and this happened years ago. "Don't you listen to the news?"

Clearly, that would be a no.

Okay, maybe I did hear that but because it carried a valence of 0 for me, it never registered. I mean, I'm not exactly sure what was going on in my life when the breaking news broke, but chances are if I was with with child or post-child, it just went in one ear and out the other. Or if I was sleep-deprived from medical training, that could be another reason. Was it around 9/11? There must be a good reason.

It's kind of embarassing learning things from a 4-year old's books.

Anyway, I also found myself at a homeowner's association meeting recently with a room full of mostly strangers (this is for our old house which we're renting out), and saying things that must have marked me for an idiot. I swear. I said at least 2 things which reflected poor math skillz and florid misinterpretation that after I realized my errors, made me feel EXTREMELY vapid. I mean, I said things involving such math mishandling, no one would have believed I have an advanced degree.

I feel kind of silly about that.

It all goes to show that you remember what is salient and important to your everyday existence, things you need to know, which apparently for me, do not include astronomy or arithmetic.

Do your job and nobody gets hurt

Our tenants moved out a couple of weeks ago, and I had to coordinate getting the house ready for our new tenants who moved in this weekend. The plan was to have the house cleaned and then have some minor repairs and touch-up painting done.

I got the contacts for a cleaning service and a handyman from our realtor who also has rental properties.

The cleaning service had no easy task. Our former tenants, bless their hearts, were wonderful tenants *in general* but thorough cleaning and neatness were never a strong suit. The master bathroom shower? NASTITUDE. That thing had more mold spores than a 5-ton block of blue cheese. Honestly? I would not take a shower in there without a pair of hip waders on. It also smelled of mildew funk, causing one strange pair of Russian mafia Craiglister-viewers to ask whether we had a problem with mold. Great.

But, I figured a professional cleaning service surely could handle it.

When I checked the house the night after it was "cleaned," THE SHOWER FLOOR WAS STILL GREY. I mean, it looked marginally better, but not to basic public health standards. I called the cleaning dispatcher who said he'd meet the crew out there the next day to see if it needed to be re-done. He called me later to say that yes- they did not complete the job correctly and would work on it that day.

Checked that night: shower floor now white. Surrounding tile grout still Mildew Madness. Grrrr.

Called dispatcher again. Can you please work on the grout? Looks disgusto-nast. Why do I have to keep calling? What's up with not doing things right the first time?

Then, the handyman.

Dude was supposed to fill in large nail holes and re-paint. When I looked at his work the next day, there were still crater holes in the walls, they were just now painted over. Um, no. It looked horrible. I had to get him back in the next day to re-do (i.e. do the job he was originally supposed to do). Grrrr. And he was totally overpriced. When I finally told him I was satisfied with his job (because now the holes were actually filled), the guy sends me an email saying he's glad I was satisfied and he hopes I'll think of him in the future for any of my handyman needs. Right. I'll be right back on the phone with you. Already put you on speed dial. Not.

What is up with people not doing their jobs?

Where is my dislike button for life?

Version 24.0XY, Special Anniversary Edition

We're very pleased to announce the release of the 2nd Anniversary Edition of Version XY! Version 24.0 XY addresses some of the known operating failures of Version 22.0 XY. The new and improved version features the following upgrades.

Now! With longer, more capable arm probes!

 *please keep away from all appliances, liquid-containing vessels, toxic cleaning agents, electrical plugs, etc, etc.

More sophisticated language programming!

Start of typical day:
MAMA! MAMA! (repeated 1,000 times or until Mama is able to retrieve from crib)
Light! On!
Poopoo! Poopoo!
Boobuhsh! Boobaste!
Mah BAY-ah! Mah ELpent! (BFFs bear and elephant)
MOOB. MOOB. (accompanied by two-handed push)
Where GiGi?
Dowstairs!
I Eat! I Eat!
What dat?
NO! No bed! No bed! Bed! Bed! Bed! No milk. Milk! Juice! No Juice!
No shoes! No shoes! No shoes!
Done! Done! Done!
No barf! No barf! No barf! No jacket! No jacket! No hat! No hat! Hat.

Snow Face!

In snow conditions, Version 24.0 XY will keep an expressionless face to conserve vital bodily energy in times of extreme environmental stress. This saved energy expenditure will protect critical fat stores from depletion and increased core temperature.

 

*igloo not available for purchase. (anymore.)

So mellow, allows uncle to read him Golf Digest instead of an age-appropriate publication!

 I'm in my self-soothing Signature Pose since I'm bored out of my gourd. Can we pees weed Goodnight Moon?

More powerful Ladies' Man magnetism!

Version 24.0XY has the charm, flirting, and winning looks that render women powerless, especially older women.  Grandmothers at highway rest stops come from across the room to confess they have been admiring him from afar. Teachers call him their "Teddy Bear" and nuzzle his nose. He works it. And it works.

Cake love!

 
 (If you're wondering about my Alfalfa 'do, I got 2 words for you: Signature Pose.)

This version does not address the following operating failures.

Signature Pose during meal times. While the signature pose is cute and all that, when performed in the middle of meal time, this results in depositing foodstuffs directly into hair. Fish may be the worst.

Too much need for self-efficacy. I do it. Even when I cants possibly do it. Then I needs you to do it. Hee-lp! Hee-lp! Hee-lp!

Pyromaniac. Obsession with bire and birebace. Birebace On! Bire tuck!

Situational Whiner. Whines. Alot. But only while Mama is around. (What?)

We'll be working on these for the next version...

If you write a blog post and no one reads it, does it exist?

I've  decided I'm no longer Wenckebaching but, rather, in a different blogging rhythm altogether. Maybe sinus bradycardia. Sinus bradycardia can be normal in healthy individuals who are well-conditioned - like athletes. The only problem with that analogy is that I haven't had any sustained exercise in years, so not sure I can still claim that one. But, anyway, I'm blogging less frequently, and I feel perfectly fine with that. Unlike a couple years ago, when I felt uncomfortable when not posting every few days, now, I'm unphased.

Coupled with not reading my feed reader in at least a month, staying relatively absent from blog world, and ignoring my statcounter means feeling like I'm not really writing for anyone anyway here...which is almost kind of a relief. I feel like I have so many audiences I am constantly writing for. For my side writing projects. For work manuscripts. It really is liberating to just do a brain dump every once in awhile.

*braindump commence*

We went to NJ for the holidays and -wow- Christmas church service in NJ was a treat as usual. Did you know women wear long white fur coats to church? I saw at least 2 women wearing these crazy white fur coats in the communion line - tried not to stare. I was also very distracted by the hair-flipping of the two teen sisters in the pew in front of me. Very distracted. They both sported an extreme side part (but opposite parts) causing all the hair to gather on one side, resulting in frequent need to flip/toss the hair out of their faces. Oh, how the hair would fly! Flip! Flip! Toss! Toss! One of them was also dressed like a lady of the night. A mini! With bare legs! In the midst of sub-freezing temperatures! And a Flashdance-esque shoulder-bearing hussy number! I was fascinated.

The Husband and I did get to escape one night into NYC for a dinner alone while my parents watched the kids. Can I tell you what a poser I feel like coming out of the depths of Penn Station with all the other train, bus, and tunnel NYC wannabes? I was convinced I was dressed all wrong and looked like a real housewife of NJ wearing my sweater dress, leggings, and ankle boots, I swear to God. The Husband said I totally looked like a native, but I felt extremely RHoNJ. Unfortunately, the weather sucked, what with the combo of gale winds and rain. We did get to lounge at Barnes and Noble, reading books and drinking coffee just like old times, while waiting for our dinner reservation. It was heavenly. Amazing. The leisure! No kids! Those couple hours were worth the trip alone.

We found tenants! Just as I was spiting Craigslist, a couple responded to our ad on Christmas Day. One week later and we were showing them the house which they LOVED. We really like them - good people - and so psyched to be done with this process! Really thankful. They actually asked us if there was a maximum time that we would want them to move out. Um, that would be a no. (Does it look like we enjoy this process of finding new tenants?)

At work on NYE (day), I presented a gift I coordinated for a coworker who is retiring. No one was doing anything, going-away-present-wise, and while I may not have been the most logical person to pull something together, I often find myself volunteering to be that person. I think it's the sap in me. Anyway, seeing his reaction to the gift - he clearly was touched- flooded me with so many warm fuzzies, I felt almost freaking giddy. I mean, holy warm fuzzies. Now, I totally know what it's like for those construction people on those build-a-house-for-those-in-need shows. Or Oprah. IT WAS AWESOME. It was a drug high. Totally worth hounding everyone and coordinating. A thousand times over.

Then, last night, Husband made me an incredible dinner for NYE. He actually used fresh black truffle for the primo. Dude. Had no idea it goes for $1600/lb and kept in a locked refrigerator/safe at Balducci's. He also grilled ribeye steaks under our deck furniture umbrella since it was freezing rain outside. That man is my husband! I am so lucky. And still full.

Now, I am resting in the glow of a full day. Work (boo) and then coming home to find our good friends over and hanging out with them the whole day just lounging, talking, our kids playing. They stayed for dinner and it was just such a warm, wonderful day, making me resolve to do this much more often in 2010. Be with friends.

So, sinus brady, not the worst rhythm to have. It can mean things are in good working conditions.

Dear Santa,

I've been pretty good this year, haven't I? I haven't written to you in probably 25+ years so I figure my odds are good are that you might be able to fulfill one or more of the following Christmas wishes.

-Tenants for our house who are reliable, stable, and will not punch any holes in the drywall. I know we could be asking for trouble by putting an ad on Craigslist but it worked so well the first time and, anyway, no crazies or psychopaths, please. That would be awesome.

- One bonus week in between Christmas and New Year's--I need to get alot of things done and an extra week would be extremely helpful. I realize this might be logistically difficult for you, but I think many would benefit from my preserved sanity.

-Oh and school for the kids to take place during that week. That's kind of important if you are able to manage the extra week.

- No more snow for a long time. Enough said.

- Related corrollary: No more extra school closures.

- I'd like to be less spastic on important conference calls. Can you help with that? Open to ideas.

- Less child 1 and child 2 fight-induced screaming and shrieking. Noise-canceling headphones?

- Please don't send my husband far away for his next military assignment. Keep him close and safe. Actually, would be wiling to forgo all above requests if you fulfill this one.

-And if you have any extra time, world peace for us all.

Best,

KC

simple steps to ensure blogger does not finish reading your ad pitch

1. Start with greeting that forgets to include blogger's name:

Dear ,

2. Follow personalized greeting with the following sentence:

As many as 90% of all women deal with various degrees of PMS ranging from moderate to severe aches, pains, bloating, and emotional stress during their reproductive years.

That's all! Easy! Mission accomplished.

See, I am posting, really I am

As usual, it's my Momicillin Day...Girl is making a list, and I'm checking it twice. Because I got Santa's back.

Also, on Mothers in Medicine it's Topic Week on "A Day in the Life" where all week we're featuring posts from Mothers in Medicine on what a typical or random day is like for us, from start to finish. I've found all terribly fascinating in a voyeur/wannabe/admiring/jealous kind of way. My day: a real day last week. Being the coordinator, though, means serious posting activities - getting guest posts up, scheduling, nightly rigamarole this week! But, it truly is a labor of love, that site. Lots of great posts to come.

So, I've been posting ALL THE TIME. Hopefully here soon.